Sinking
by LaraRae
Summary: A/U. Implied Skate. Not a romance. Jack Angst. Jack has secluded himself from the others of flight 815, feeling guilty and lost in this new world. Kate comes to see him. Different. Promise.


A/N: This is implied Skate. Personally I'm more of a Jate fan, but this story came to me and I couldn't get the premise out of my head. Not sure if I'm continuing, or whether it's a one-shot.

The "sinking" conversation belongs to Lost/ABC writers. I don't own the characters, just takin' em for a ride. Last, but not least, please PLEASE review. Honest feedback, no flames.

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Jack sat silently on the warm white sand, folded arms resting on his knees, staring out at the ocean. Waves lapped gently at the shore, calming him, matching his breaths. Reminding him of better moments in his life, like the time he spent in Thailand, when things were simplified, maybe even fun. A time of self exploration, realizations.

The sun was beginning to sink towards the horizon, the sky a vast array of reds and oranges. Everything was silent but for the waves and palm leaves, blowing lightly in the offshore breeze.

He almost missed the sound of her soft approach, bare feet on sand. He didn't move his head to look at her, acknowledge her. He didn't have to, he could picture her perfectly in his mind's eye.

"I wasn't sure you'd come." He finally said after a moment of silence.

She sank to the sand beside him. "You know I'll always come for you, Jack. "

"I mean I wasn't sure if he would tell you."

"Sawyer's not the bad guy you've made him out to be, Jack."

"Have you forgotten –"

"I haven't forgotten anything, Jack." Kate snapped back. "We're all human. We all make mistakes. Sawyer, he's not perfect, but neither are you or I. Or anyone else on this beach, for that matter."

Jack let out a breath, turned to face her. Silent for a moment. Turned back to the ocean. "I know that, Kate. Believe me. You think I don't know I haven't screwed things up? I live with it every day-" his voice broke.

"You don't have to, Jack. You can move on. Tabula rasa, remember?"

"That seems like a long time ago. Before-" He paused. "That was another life."

"It doesn't have to be. You were happy, once."

"I had you."

"You still have me."

"No. It's not the same. Now there's Sawyer."

"You have me as a friend, Jack. And I'll always be here for you." She sighed. "You know, even Sawyer's worried about you. And Hurley. Claire, Sun, Jin. Everyone."

Jack snorted. "Sawyer?"

"In case you haven't noticed, we're not the same people we were before the plane crash. He may have taken a bit longer to come around, Jack, but Sawyer does respect you."

"How is Hurley?" Jack changed the subject.

"He's good. He thinks you don't talk to him because of his choice to go with Locke."

"I don't talk to anyone, anymore."

"I've noticed. You don't even talk to me. I was surprised to hear from Sawyer you were down here. Actually, I wasn't surprised you were here so much as wanted to see me."

"What can I say? I think the happiest I've ever felt was sitting on the beach, staring out at the sunset."

"When you were with me." Kate responded, not sure if it was a question or statement. Jack didn't garner a response, so she continued. "Those were different times-"

"Not so different."

"Jack-"

"I know."

"You could have had me, you know. If you hadn't pulled away when-"

"I know, Kate. I messed up. I get it."

"You should get on with your life, Jack." Kate spoke gently.

"Life? Here? This isn't life, Kate. This is..Is...It's crap. It's bullshit." Jack felt the anger rise within him. Felt it in his chest, his stomach. He ran his hands over his face, through his beard. He hadn't bothered shaving in awhile. Didn't see the point anymore.

"You know. We're all getting together tomorrow. Everyone who's...left."

"I heard. Claire told me."

"Are you going to come?"

"No."

"We're going to have a fire on the beach like old times, when everyone wasn't so...." Kate paused, unsure of how to finish.

"I said _no_, Kate." Jack pushed thoughts of Hurley and Claire from his mind. He hadn't seen them in what felt like forever. Not since he'd secluded himself from everyone. He missed them, but seeing them again would bring back too much. Remind him of _that _time. And of Charlie. Boone. Shannon. Jack squeezed his eyes shut, pressed his palms against his eyelids.

"No one blames you, you know."

Jack was silent for a moment, surprised she had known what he was thinking. Yet, when he thought about it, they'd always been in tune before. Why would it change now? "It was my responsibility."

"You kept us alive, Jack."

"You don't know that."

"We couldn't have stayed on that island forever."

"There was food. Water. Shelter."

"Boars. Polar bears. Smoke monsters. The others. No medical supplies. Yeah, Jack. We would have lived well into our nineties." She finished with sarcasm.

"We shouldn't have left. It feels wrong."

"We had to leave. I had to leave."

"I should've stayed."

"You need to adapt, Jack. Have you even been back to St. Sebastian's?"

He shrugged. "I went back last week."

"Well...Good. That's the first step. Get back to where you were."

"I'm not interested in where I was before the crash, Kate."

"I don't know what to say, Jack."

Jack remained quiet. The sun was now at the horizon. The waters of the Gulf Coast reflected the last rays of light. It would be dark soon.

"I don't think there is anything I _can_ say anymore."

"You're probably right."

Kate sighed, pushing herself to her feet. Jack watches as she took a few steps forward, until her feet were where the waves lapped onto shore.

"_Well, this is a first...You, standing still, middle of the day doing nothing...Amazing."_

"_I'm doing something."_

"_Yeah? What's that?"_

"_I'm sinking. Water goes out, takes the sand with it, and you sink. I used to do it with my mom when I was a kid."_

"_Ah! New plan...You're going to sink your way right off the island..."_

Jack watched the sand slowly bury her feet as she stood there, staring out at the sunset. He felt like he was sinking. Had felt that way for awhile. Nothing was the same anymore. He briefly wished he could sink back _onto_ the island. But really, it wouldn't be the same. It would be no better than being here in Florida sitting on a secluded beach ten minutes from Kate and Sawyer's new condo they'd purchased with their settlement money from Oceanic.

What had Jack done with the money? Not much. He'd paid first and last on a crappy apartment and minimal furnishings in downtown L.A. He visited the liquor store every day, becoming the man he'd resented only a couple years earlier. He'd given a lump sum to his mother, to pay for his father's funeral that she hadn't previously had because she couldn't face it. Didn't want to believe. Didn't want to let go of her husband and son at the same time. There was still no body, but she'd still somehow made her peace. Glad to have him, at least.

Jack hadn't even attended.

The rest of the money? It sat in his bank account, ready and waiting to be divided up upon his eventual death. He wasn't interested in spending it, or the lifestyle he _could_ have.

"I should go." Kate said, more to the ocean and herself than to him.

"So go." Jack felt something in him break apart. He'd wanted, so badly, to see her that he forgot what it would be like to say goodbye.

"If you change your mind, about tomorrow-"

"I won't"

Kate nodded, turned herself away from the water. "I'll see you around, Jack."

Jack nodded, but said nothing. Promised nothing. _See you in another life, brotha._ He stared out at the waves until he was sure she was gone. Pulled out an orange bottle.

Diaudid. An order written on stolen prescription paper. Taken from the hospital during his visit the week before.

He wasn't happy here, back in this world. He couldn't picture himself being happy, or even content. It wasn't just Kate, it was everything. Too much had happened, too many people lost. Now that it was over, the time he'd spent on the island seemed like a paradise. Back to the basics, where every day was a test. Where every night that you went to sleep, even on the unforgiving rock of the caves, was a success. Progress. Where treating minor ailments like sprains and heat stroke gave him a boost, made him feel worthy. Years of med school and spinal surgery hadn't even given him that pleasure. The only time he'd felt it before was with Sarah, after her miraculous recovery. And even then, there had been a cost.

Jack had had a choice. Two people had needed his attention, and he'd chosen Sarah. No particular reason. He'd found out later that the other man, the man he _could_ have chosen, had died. And that was on him. That man had probably had a family too. A wife, maybe. Kids.

He looked down at the bottle. That's all it would take, what was in his hand, to end this.

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So, continue or let be? Review, puh-lease!


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